


What Fourth Wall?

by Calt



Category: Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter - Laurell K. Hamilton, Arrow (TV 2012), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Gen, I love these characters but ..., me being a geek, steve rogers: the man without a plan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-04
Updated: 2017-03-06
Packaged: 2018-09-28 06:03:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10075499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Calt/pseuds/Calt
Summary: What would you say to your favorite characters in a series, if you could?Warning: Here be some major spoilers for the fandoms listed. Read at your own risk if you haven't seen/read these yet:Dead Iceby Laurell K. HamiltonCaptain America: Civil WarThe tv seriesArrow, up to and including the most recent season five episodes.





	1. Anita: Girl, we need to talk

Anita, hey.  
Or Marshal Blake. *shrug*  
Couple of things that've come up lately:

Some of your guards have been asking me to have a word with you. 

...We _know_ you're in charge. That's not the issue. Look, the men who work with you aren't cookie cutouts. They've got different strengths and weaknesses. 

Domino is having a tough time of it since that whole clusterfuck with the zombie you raised. The one that turned into a flesheater on you and--

 ~~You know, you can stop rolling your eyes at me anytime.~~

Of course he freaked out. For pity's sake, Anita, you had him standing barely more than arm's length from a zombie that wanted to eat him! And he didn't run off, or even spazz out until the job was over. This in spite of the fact that you had just told everyone that you weren't sure how to shut the zombie down permanently and couldn't control it. Seriously? 

Do I need to get Buffy or Giles to come shake some sense into you? First rule of monster hunting:  
Don't. DIE!

I honestly don't understand how you dealt with that whole mess, and I think part of Domino's problem is that he doesn't get it either. You insisted on unearthing the zombie immediately once you realized he'd been "buried alive" instead of going back to fully dead. 

Why?  
Was there some rush nobody else was aware of? He's not going to get any deader. Meanwhile, you risked turning a flesh-eating zombie loose on people. At the very least you could have waited for daylight, when zombies or, Heaven help us, rogue necromancers won't be as much of a problem. Don't even get me started on the ghouls. 

I'm sorry but I think keeping the living safe trumps not mistreating a dead man. See First Rule, above.

Being scared and admitting it doesn't equate to being a coward, or weak.  
Yes, Domino screwed up afterward, getting into a fight with Nicky over his 'whining', but you made a mistake or two yourself at the cemetery. None of you are infallible. Shit happens. 

There was a time when you wouldn't have had to be told that. 


	2. To: Steve Rogers and Tony Stark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Captain America: Civil War spoilers.
> 
> Civil War. Riiight. AKA Creative Stupidity 101

You're both idiots.

Since a lot of people seem to think Steve's fixation with "saving" Bucky Barnes aka the Winter Soldier was the catalyst for this whole blowup, let's look at him and Steve first.

Amnesiac or not, there is no way Barnes hadn't heard of Captain America's still being alive and with the Avengers. He could have found you anytime he wanted, Steve.

He chose not to do that. Most people would take that to mean he didn't _want_ to establish contact with you, or not yet. You don't appear to have thought about that even once. 

You seem to have a real problem with people's right to make their own, informed choices...unless their choices are ones you agree with, or that serve your purposes.  
Not just Bucky, either. It's telling that you didn't consider letting him or Sam Wilson know about the offer Tony made in Berlin. What If they had wanted to take him up on it?  
You didn't have the right to refuse on their behalf.  
These little lies of yours are adding up, Rogers. And they weren't all that little to begin with.

I wonder if it ever occurred to you that you're playing right into the "bad guys'' hands by choosing to fight first and ask questions later(if at all.) 

You dragged Clint, Scott and Wanda into a fight to protect your BFF. Okay, let's game this out. Suppose you'd won at the airport. You and your fellow rebels flit off to Siberia minus Iron Man, etc. in pursuit. And then what?  
I can see this going one of two ways:  
1.) Zemo realizes his plan to set Iron Man and Captain America at each others' throats isn't going to work. He bugs out.I don't know what the fuel tank looks like on a quinjet, but I think it's safe to assume flying to Siberia and then making a return flight without gassing up isn't going to happen. You're stuck until someone comes after you. "Someone" being either Team Iron or the Russian government's military. Best outcome there is all of you ending up in prison, with nobody breaking you out this time.

2\. You capture Zemo, and thwart his Evil Master Plan...and then what? Kill him? Hand him over to the authorities when they catch up to you? Except that you're also wanted criminals. Oh, hey, maybe you can ask him to join the Avengers too.   
You're fugitives, without any support, and everyone on the planet after you. Nice planning. 

Sit down, Tony. You've had enough coffee. It's going to be your turn on the hotseat next.

No, Dum-E. Thanks, but I ate, and I don't care much for smoothies. See if Steve wants it. He looks like he's got something stuck in his throat.


	3. Tony...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Captain America: Civil War spoilers here. Read at your own risk if you haven't seen the movie yet.

You're not off the hook either. 

First off: trying to rush people into a decision this big? Either you don't know your teammates very well, or...

actually, there is no 'or', I'm afraid. 

Rogers and Wilson were soldiers during wartime. Romanoff is an assassin/spy. They've long since had to accept civilian 'collateral damage' as part of their jobs. They care, but their mindset is going to be that "you can't save everyone." The Charlie Spencer story and trying to guilt them into signing on? Not gonna happen. 

You basically dismissed Cap's reservations about the whole process. He was being asked to sign this huge, 1000-page long contract, and trust that nothing would go wrong. Ross and you were playing 'My Way or the Highway' through that whole meeting. *sigh* You've seen how he( Steve) reacts to people trying to back him into a corner. Why did you think this would be the exception? 

Yes, you mentioned later that it would be possible to negotiate better terms, give him some assurances.

2) You also(without telling him or Wanda) Imprisoned her "for her own good." Just never mind how much nicer the Compound is than a standard prison cell. You still fucked up. It should have been her choice to stay, or leave and take the consequences. But then you'd have had to risk her not making the choice YOU wanted, so: you lied (a lie of omission is still dishonesty.)  
Look at it this way: if Romanoff or Rhodey had caused an incident similar to Lagos, would you have expected them to sit still for being locked up without due process? 

You and Steve both have this same flaw of not respecting other people's free will. _Both_ of you need to realize that. Wanda's a prime example. She's not a kid, no matter what either of you says or how you behave toward her. 

Steve wasn't the only one gearing up for a fight, either. You were giving Spider-Man tips on how to incapacitate Captain America("go for the legs?") before you all reached Germany. That's not exactly conversation you have over coffee and donuts. 

No one's hands are clean in this. I do give you credit that you seem to realize it; I suspect Rogers will die before admitting it. (no, that letter doesn't count. I totally agree on that. )


	4. Adrian, what the...?!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: spoilers for the CW TV series "Arrow", especially recent season 5 episodes.

What  
are  
you  
doing?

When you and Oliver met for the first time in the Mayor's office, I loved how you introduced yourself. 

Oliver: "Hello, and you are...?"

Adrian Chase: *slamming file folder down onto Oliver's desk* Pissed. Royally. Off.

Smart, honest, and tough was the first impression we got. 

So I'm having a hard time grasping the whole supervillain gig, coming from YOU. 

You know the Green Arrow's history, obviously, that SHOULD mean you also are aware of what happened to just about everybody who targeted Oliver Queen or his family.  
Ra's al Ghul? Damien Dahrk?  
I hope whatever you're getting out of this 'quest for vengeance' is worth it. Also: Prometheus? The dude who wound up spending eternity chained to a rock with birds eating his liver? Yeahhh, great choice. *facepalm*

C'mon. I'd even put up with the evil twin or mind control clichés if it got you out of the 'Target Practice' category. C'mon back to the sane side! we've got cooookies....

**Author's Note:**

> I used to love Anita Blake, but the past several books have me wanting to check the Circus of the Damned's basement for alien pods. The WTF factor has just gone beyond my ability to suspend disbelief. 
> 
> And CA: CW had me going "Okay, what is WRONG with these people?" re: both teams.


End file.
